cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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