I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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