So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
