it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
