Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
