I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
only if we run a train.
done.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
