I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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