How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize