I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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