HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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