how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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