You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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