I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
