hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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