this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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