she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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