WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
