Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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