So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Blood and glitter go together right?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize