Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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