He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
