i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
