I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
