dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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