Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
