Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
