so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
