i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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