I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
