At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
