You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
