Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
