Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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