just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
