i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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