What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
