if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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