she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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