You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
