I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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