did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
