I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize