dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
