Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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