I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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