I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
