I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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