just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
