Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
