is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
