Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
