We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
