Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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