I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
