the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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