why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
