he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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