do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
