let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
