i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
