next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
