I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
