So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
