It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
