Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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