I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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