We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
