You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize