69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
