how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
